Val and Joanne go to Thai Prison and get beaten (and it was nothing like Bridget Jones II)

I couldn't come to Thailand and not get a massage. There are massage places every ten feet (not exaggerating) so it seemed a trip requirement. Val found a note in the Lonely Planet that the Women's Prison has a massage parlour where all of the proceeds go directly to the prisoner upon her release to help her get a new start. That seemed a worthy cause. So off we went to check it out. Our first visit, we showed up too late so today we went earlier. We had a good sleep in (9am) since we were so exhausted after our elephant excursion, ate breakfast at the guesthouse (Val had a smoothies and toast, I had french toast and fruit - good but too expensive, it was at least 5 dollars each). Then we sauntered back to the prison. We didn't get any photos of the inside so these will have to do.



This is the outside gate



Homey touches like flowers still don't make me want to go here for longer than an hour

We were led in to the massage area and had our feet washed. They gave us some clothes to change into in a side room. Things were already off to a bad start since neither of us could figure out how to put on the pants or the top. Eventually, one of the women came in and sorted us out. Val said she only wanted the back and neck done but I was in for the full meal deal - the one hour Thai massage. Oh My God, there is absolutely no way I will be able to convey in words the pain that tiny woman caused. She started on my leg and used thumbs made of steel to basically rupture my muscles and snap my bones. It hurt - a lot. She didn't speak much English but occasionally when I would cry out, she would ask "hurt?" to which I would answer 'YES!!" and she would reduce the pressure by an infinitesimal amount barely perceptible by my broken self. Oh, did I mention that we were on mats on the floor in a communal room. No privacy here. By now, three British women had arrived and were watching their future. I can't believe they didn't run screaming. That little masseuse could kill a man with what she could do with her thumbs, elbow, knees and feet.

As much pain as it was, it was also the funniest thing ever. I was laughing so hard I couldn't talk. I would look over at Val, who was only supposed to be having her neck done and I would see her contorted into some impossible position with her own tiny masseuse sitting on her. How could I not laugh. My lady kept asking if I was ticklish, I would just say yes since it was easier than to say the entire situation was too funny not to be hysterical. After my legs it was time to flip over for my back. She showed me a little pot and asked if I wanted on my back. I said yes. Only then does Val mention that the contents of the little pot are hot, chemical burn hot. I was happy for the distraction. Imagine me, with a person standing on my back, pulling  my legs up the wrong direction until I was a U shape. My back cracked like an egg. There was twisting and throwing, cracking and kneading. I couldn't look at Val or I was laugh even harder. Finally, she shredded my arms and it was over. I don't think I have ever done anything so painful voluntarily in my life before this. But I have to say, when we left, it was the first time my calves were pain free.

Now I am sitting in the Internet place while val has a banana milkshake. There is so much I'm not mentioning about Thailand because I can't keep ahead of our wacky activities. Some notes about Thailand
1. Sidewalks - not for walking. I think that they are primarily for motorcycle parking, then for store displays, sleeping, dogs, and trees and planter pots, then for walking.



A particulary cute example of a sidewalk blockage

2. tourists - they are everywhere. We don't like the British ones especially. There are very few Americans and a zillion Canadians. They seem jaded.
3. Food - I know I keep mentioning food but I have discovered that there are very few dishes on offer. Val has made it her mission to find the best Pad Thai. Strangely, so far the best had been in a French restaurant. We only went in there because they had padded booths. But there was a Thai chef who made me a wicked Ginger pork on rice and Val, the yummiest Pad Thai.



another lunch

4. Cats - everywhere. we have an old tom who sleeps outside of our room but he isn't interested in making friends.



5. Buddha - everywhere in every form. We can't figure out if it an Young Elvis/Old Elvis thing or an artistic difference for the different versions. We are avoiding Wats so I suppose we will never know.

6. Flowers - they grow all over the place, orchids are wild here.



They even grow in shells.

I'm sure there is more so I will add in future posts if I have time. Joanne